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Obituary Notice: Seton Hall Basketball

RSPirate

Freshman
Gold Member
May 10, 2017
493
675
93
Courtesy of ChatGPT with some minor edits by me

With great exasperation, we announce the death of Seton Hall Basketball, tragically lost to a fatal combination of NIL chaos (or refusal to use NIL) transfer portal roulette, and chronic leadership anemia.

Once a proud program with grit, tradition, and actual continuity, the Pirates were last seen wandering aimlessly through the Big East, fielding a starting lineup assembled via late-night DMs and hope has officially passed away.

Cause of death was accelerated by a leadership team that mistook “player development” for “just hope they stay,” and “roster strategy” for “grab whoever’s still in the portal in July.” NIL didn’t kill the culture—poor planning and a refusal to adapt finished the job.

Seton Hall is survived by a passionate fanbase that deserves so much better, a once-great tradition, and several ex-players now thriving elsewhere.

Funeral arrangements will be held quietly in a half-empty Prudential Center. Pallbearers will include Tyrese Samuel, Kadary Richmond, Dre Davis and Isaiah Coleman.

In lieu of flowers, please send stability, a vision, and someone who can shoot 35% from three
 
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